A Tidy Pair of Trainers

[A respectful parody of British rapper Mike Skinner aka The Streets. Contains authentic bad language]

Squeaking through the room like a vampire bat
In high-heeled shoes and a funny hat
I said to the barman who the fuck's that?
Oh it must be the bird from Fleetwood Mac.
Well we'd had a few drinks but we wasn't pissed.
More chimps on the pull than gorillas in the mist.
And though finding some talent was high on our list.
This weird witchy woman was easy to resist.

All I want is a big bag of cash
And a tidy pair of trainers.
The chance to offload about girls and drugs
And the pressures of being famous.
A decent spliff and a can of beer
For a moment of contemplation.
'Cos three whole albums down the line
I'm running low on inspiration.

Saw her again at some music awards.
Sitting with Seal looking well fucking bored.
I gave her a wave, which was blindly ignored
So I went back to flicking fag butts at Shayne Ward.
Downed two bottles of corporate champagne
Then stumbled right over and asked for her name
It's Alison Goldfrapp she said with disdain
Now fuck off back to the streets whence you came.

All I want is a bit of respect
And a tidy pair of trainers.
A welcome letter from America
Like that song by The Proclaimers.
A sponsorship deal from a high-street brand
And a Mr Men lunchbox and flask
Some photos of me looking moody but hard
I mean come on is that too much to ask?