Podcast Poetry with Oasis

[A fictional transcript of Noel Gallagher's first foray into the exciting world of podcasting, on behalf of his Big Brother label.]

Hello world and welcome
To our first exclusive podcast.
As usual in the race to set
The trends it seems we've come last.
But now we've overcome
Initial doubts and techno fears
To make this feast of fun
And crazy content for your ears.

Let me start by slagging
Damon Albarn off for once.
Oh he thinks he's hip and clever
But he'll always be a ponce.
Now he hides behind some idiotic
Monkey-faced cartoon.
Singing in a strained falsetto like
A castrated Looney Tune.

Coldplay, they're another
Soggy slice of middle class
Wouldn't know a rock and roll vibe
If it bit them on the arse.
Radiohead, now what the hell
Is that rubbish they churn out?
Write some proper songs you freaks
And stop noodling about.

Now lets plug our album
'Cos it hasn't sold enough.
Go tell all your friends to buy it
They can skip through Liam's stuff.
There's at least three decent tracks
And the production's pretty slick
Shame my talent has been on the wane
Since 1996.

Oh hang on, Conor McNicholas
From the NME just arrived.
Seems that every poxy podcast
Must be checked and verified.
Well I don't have time to justify
My genius to some git.
I'm off for a beef Pot Noodle
Let Liam finish this shit.


tags: oasis noel gallagher podcast guardian liam gallagher