As Nice As Kylie

[A heartfelt poetic tribute to pint-sized international treasure Miss Minogue.]

Why can't everybody be
As sweet and nice as Kylie?
Even when she's tired and ill
She still stays pert and smiley.
Love rat boyfriends come and go
But Kylie's never bitter;
She steadies herself with a feathery hat
And hides her tears with glitter.

An Antipodean angel
Wearing tiny Gucci wings.
Whole stadiums reverberate
In rapture when she sings.
The kind of girl you'd trust to watch
Your bag while you used the toilet.
And if she got wind of a terrorist plot
She'd do her best to foil it.

Why can't everybody be
As down-to-earth as Kylie?
This pop princess won't do pretentious
Sets for smug Jo Whiley.
If Kylie ruled the world
There'd be no war or suicide bombs.
Just billions of people moving,
Dancing and grooving to her songs.