50 Cent Sale

[After losing his much-publicized chart battle with Kanye West, cuddly rapper 50 Cent books himself a spot on a cable shopping channel to earn back some dollar and female attention.]

That's right, my name is 50 Cent
I'm the baddest rapper

Since MC Hammer.
I come from the hard-knock streets
With the scars to prove it.
I'm doing this infomercial
To score some candy,

So keep your credit card handy
For a range of merchandise
Based around my music.

We'll start with the kitchen stuff
Like this oven glove

For my single 'In Da Club'
It's adorned with some naked chicks
And a big fat gun.
Or how about this travel iron
With the legend:

'Get Creases Out or Die Tryin'?
Just be careful with delicate silks
Not to press it hard on.

Moving on now to apparel
You can look your best

In this bulletproof vest.
You don't want to end up like me
All riddled with holes.
And finally for today's show
Walk away your gangsta blues

In these Massacre shoes
With a picture of your darling Fiddy
Glaring out from the soles.